#253 - Epiphanies and Setbacks

I completely failed to meet my mentor deadline yesterday.

This is a major setback to my morale. I procrastinate as if it were an Olympic sport and I want the gold medal. This has to stop. What a waste of my budding writing talents. Why don’t I give the task at hand more respect?

It feels terrible to miss the deadline.

So, I need to look for silver linings, but I also need to make a drastic change to how I execute my assignments. I’ve made myself a promise to hand in the next assignment ahead of schedule. We have a weekend get away planned this weekend to a new family cottage. This is going to make getting the assignment done harder, but I am up for it.

I can already imagine how good I am going to feel going into the weekend two weeks from now with my work already completed.

But last night I had some realizations about why I was stalling on my latest story assignment. Once I realized what was wrong, why I was boring myself with my own writing, the way to move forward presented itself. I became more excited about writing this story again. But I had run out of time to complete it, and my energy reserves were low.

I made the decision to come back to the story today. A fresh mind and a fresh start. I even took a personal day from work to truly get rested.  I rarely use the seven days per year allotted for personal and sick days, so I didn’t feel too bad about it.

It’s taken me until about four o’clock to get down to the writing cave though. The procrastination habit is well engrained in me. I’d like to be able to relax this evening and watch a little tv with Robyn before bed. Not sure if that is going to happen and I shouldn’t allow myself to if this story isn’t completed.

I had restful morning, sleeping in until ten. I watched some YouTube, played chess and read a little. By twelve thirty I was out the door for our lunchtime walk. Kiddo #1, back home from Halifax, joined us on the walk as well, which was a pleasant surprise.

The day was warm, hot even in the sun, but under the canopy it was the perfect temperature. We didn’t see many dog walkers or cyclists today as we made our way along the trails. I got to wear my new hiking shoes and they felt great. Comfortable to wear and the soles offered superior traction over the previous shoes I used to wear.

The walk did my back and hips some good. My right hip keeps getting stiff and sore the last few days. A sitting incorrectly injury. I have to be so careful these days.

I took an Advil and did a few stretches as well. I’ll do the same a few hours from now and possibly fire up the massage gun as well.

Kiddo #1 is out on the back deck enjoying the outdoors while she works on some illustrations. I like seeing her outside while the sun is up because it is good for regulation mood. She tends to stay up late and sleep all day and that isn’t great for your well being in the long run.

I’m glad to see her out and about during the day instead of being a vampire.

So, my plan for the rest of the day is to write and complete my story by midnight, giving me plenty of time to get some sleep. I’ll stop briefly for dinner and a few breaks. If I can get up to almost 1000 words an hour, that should get me close to 8000-9000 words for the final story.

But realistically, I have been doing 750 to 850 words an hour. That would still get me 6000-7000 words which is a respectable number.

Alright. Time to write a sci-fi spy thriller.

I’ve done a little writing in the last two hours. Not enough to be proud of to be honest. My mentor wrote wondering if my manuscript got lost in her spam filters which furthered my disappointment in myself. And it feels like I let her down a bit too.

The new deadline is June 21^st. If I can’t get it done by then I’m in trouble.

So here is my new plan.

I no longer want to spend eight to twelve hours in a row writing a story in a single day or night. The cracks in that system are starting to show. And its stressful as fuck. It even stresses my wife out. There’s no need for doing that while I have another fill time job.

Can I commit to an hour or two a day?

I think that writing fiction daily is what I want.

Two solid hours a day after or before work and then I get to do whatever I want for the rest of the evening or day!

Sold.

Kind of a roller coaster of emotions today.

I made some breaded tilapia for dinner and Robyn did the veg.

I told Robyn about my writing, the struggles and the new deadline and then asked her to help keep me accountable to writing every night for an hour or two. At first, she laughed at me. My propensity to procrastinate on the writing is well known to her. After she realized I was serious and I gave her permission to nag me about it, in fact begged her to nag me about it, she agreed to help.

I can understand her hesitation because she doesn’t want to interfere with my journey on the path to a full time writer or be blamed for saying the wrong thing that might discourage me.

But I can’t be discouraged for very long and I need my partner in life to kick me in the ass sometimes, be my coach in the corner and be able to call me out.

She has my blessing to do so. I asked for it!

I’m a lucky man.

Having already done some writing earlier and knowing the next day all the work I missed would be piling up, we decided to watch a show and then get to bed at a decent time.

I took my sleep aids and since I’d only had four or five hours of sleep found sweet serenity in no time.

It was a rough day full of personal disappointments and new commitments. I had some revelations and insights that will hopefully carry me forward into the future.

Good night, all.

Tomorrow is a new day.