#360 - I Want To Quit

I’m completely over working.

I don’t enjoy my job anymore and coming to that realization has been painful. Over the last decade and a half, the work has often been hard, but it was fun. The goal we were shooting for was at least known to us.

Long hours were often the norm, but we always felt it was worth it in the end. I’m not sure I believe that anymore. And that makes me sad.

At the end of the day, I was looking through the job boards wondering if I could make a similar wage somewhere else. My car dealership had a warehouse position that looked like it could be a possibility.

If I had another job lined up, I’d be walking in tomorrow and giving my notice. The joy is gone. Work is just a slog now. An act of self flagellation. I dream about power outages or massive snowstorms. They only seem to happen to our sister studio. They have had multiple days off due to power or infrastructure failures. But we keep working.

Tomorrow, I will have to have a meeting about sparkles on water and defend my use of them as the Paint Supervisor. I’ll be told to take them off. I won’t protest, because I couldn’t care either way. The next thing I do will be wrong as well and the one after that. No one will tell you what to do before hand or will only give you the slightest direction. You’ll have to make up the rest and the sit and listen to how wrong your choices were.

To me it all sounds like a Russian KGB interrogation technique, designed to slowly unravel your confidence and to destroy your internal compass that has led you your entire life.

If wish I was further along the path on my writing journey and I could get by making things up for a living.

I was glad that when the day ended and Robyn left to have dinner with a friend that there was a new episode of Slow Horses to watch. I ordered some Mary Brown’s chicken for myself and kiddo #1. I was not in the right headspace to cook tonight.

I ordered some chicken sandwiches that came with fries and some wings. The sent along three dipping sauces as well. It was a much smaller sandwich then what you get at Popeye’s, but that was okay because it was as much food as I wanted. That Popeye’s sandwich is one big bit of chicken.

I ate my food and watched my show. Letting the shittiness of the day wash off me. After the show was done and my belly was full, I went back to looking for a new job outside the animation industry and preferably close to home. There was a librarian job, but the pay was half of what I’d need.

My best bet was still the dealership warehouse gig.

I decided to keep my eyes out for other opportunities and maybe ask some friends if they’d keep their ears to the ground for me.

The idea that winter is approaching and I’ll still be working on this nightmare of a show, with a one week per episode turnaround, turns my stomach. Maybe I’ll feel better about in the light of day and after a good night’s sleep, but I think something has fundamentally shifted inside of me. I’m not sure it can be shifted back into place. I’m not even sure that would be a good idea.

That’s all I’ve got for this day of days.

Until tomorrow.